Diagnosis

You are infertile. Tubes blocked.

Sure, I am not and have not tried to get pregnant. It was the pains that brought me to the doctors for an answer.

For so long I was not believed about my pains. With age they are supposed to decrease. Instead, my pains just grew worse and worse and lasted longer and longer each time my cycles came around. Birth control pills didn't serve to help and I finally started to skip the sugar pills and never allowed the cycles to come just so I could actually live. I couldn't miss a week of school or work each month. It was futile. All my attempts to try and ease the pain did nothing.

Finally, two doctors and many appointments later, and with great fear, I had a hysteroscopy, laparoscopy and some sort of chromotubation.

Monday morning the 19th of May, 6AM, I am in the waiting room for surgery. They take me back, several people ask me questions, the same questions, over and over. Blood drawn, consent forms signed about religious observations of dead bodies and DNR and if I have a will or power of attorney should I die during this surgery.

Those consent forms always make you feel so much calmer right before you are about to be put under for surgery.

Hooked up and lady who took my blood bruised me. Taken back to surgery room, mask put on and boom, out. I remember then being wheeled back to my original room and asking for a mint. I wanted a damn mint. I started to gag related to my throat feeling so very weird. They gave me a barf bag, but I wasn't going to puke. I didn't actually feel sick. I did get some sprite out of the deal.

I also had to pee before leaving and it's weird having a nurse in the bathroom with you when you try to pee. It was very hard to pee too. Thanks a lot catheters. I did manage to pee a little though and then I was allowed to get dressed and go home. Also, the pain was awful. It hurt to get it up and move.

After I was dressed, the nurses helped me to my ride home. Once arrived, I went to sleep for a bit. Later watched a movie and then my gagging came back and lasted for hours. It was miserable and nothing helped. I never got sick though. When it finally eased a little, I went to sleep.

May 20...oh, the pain, the pain. Took the oxy they prescribed me as the motrin was not doing it for me. It did not help. Bladder still had some issues with needing a little push to go. My shoulder is also killing me. I dunno why it effects the shoulder, but it does.

May 21...still sore and pain meds still not helping. Lots of gas from both ends still. Bladder doing a little better. Took a stool softener as the pains are easing a bit.

May 22...bladder back to normal, but thanks to the stool softener, had a stomachache. Stool softener not yet working. Took gasx again due to gas pains and hoped it would stop the belly ache. My incision areas still hurt, but appeared to be healing well at this point. Do not feel well, so took it easy again, laid on the couch, watched netflix.

Note...Dulcolax is not good stuff. Nope, nope.

May 23...stomachache. One bm only. No appetite thanks to the stomachache. 

May 24-25...boyfriend and I hung out. Was a beautiful weekend and got some of my appetite back finally. Went to the local festival.

May 26-June 2...took it easy. No lifting and such allowed, but incisions were healing nicely and body was feeling better.

June 3...follow-up appointment where I am shown the pictures of my endometriosis and the inflammation inside. It was very ugly inside there. Not pretty. I won't share the pictures out of politeness. Also got to see the evil little martian, aka my tiny benign tumor.

The all clear to go back to life was given, but life has a new normal and I will be starting a new medication soon for my illness for six months. The tubes may be unable to be flushed without a reproductive endocrinologist's help.

End of May, time does fly...

So...what's been going on around here

I took my first ever flight. It was scary, but I did it. I only had one little panic attack on the way there. The trip was lots of fun and did a lot of walking too. It was to Washington D.C. I had never been before, so it was cool to finally go. Someone was protesting across the street from the White House and the flag was up, so it seems the President was home that day.

We also learned to never trust phone GPS walking routes. It's better to look at a map and see for yourself because GPS will take you the long way. We saw the National History Museum and Art museum and got yelled out for getting too close to the pictures, of which they do not have roped off, which is odd. Lots of people were getting yelled at, not just us, as there are old statues right in the middle and so much as walking around them a little too close got people in trouble. I really do not know why things were not roped off so there would not be any accidently getting too close, but what do I know.

Also, DC traffic/pedestrian crossing times were all out of whack.

The cherry blossoms were still in bloom when we went so we got some gorgeous pictures of the trees. And met a lovely lady in the process...aka, a very rude tourist,

The weather for us was wonderful, which was great. Also got to see a parade and watch poor people struggle with a stuck float. Oops.

Flight back hit some air pockets and we were in the back row, so felt the bumpy flight quite well.

Since then, finished up classes and my brother graduated high school. My sister is about to take her boards to get her nursing certification or something to that effect. I don't know how it works exactly, but apparently she can't be an RN until she passes some test, despite having a BSN.

I had surgery over a week ago and next Tuesday I will go for a final flushing and follow-up and should be all better for a time. I did get a diagnosis with the surgery and they actually removed a tiny tumor, which was benign, but ick. They gave me pictures of it and I named it the Evil Little Martian, because that's what it looks like.

I also found out that apparently I am missing one credit hour, so I am taking an Intro to Psychology CLEP exam on Friday. Hope I pass because I want that damn degree and not getting it for one credit hour for a class I don't even need, and not telling me I am missing one hour as classes end is just AHHHHHHHH.

Okay, better.

So, that's what's been happening. And job hunting. And helping my parents prepare to move. And puppy sitting my sister and her boyfriend's dog still. Other than that, rather boring.

Turning over a new leaf

I am changing the tone of this blog entirely to focus one thing...my anxiety, depression, OCD and panic disorder issues and phobias. I will be focusing on my recovery as I am working very hard on the recovery.

Per the previous post, I did not juice each day, got too busy, but definitely increased my fruit and vegetable and overall healthy food intake. I have not any potato chips besides Sunchips in about a month. I have been greatly decreasing my sugar and salt intake. I have not had any french fries for almost two weeks. Also been taking more calcium and magnesium and alfalfa capsules. And of course, trying to stay more active.

I will flying for the first time in about two weeks, a huge leap for me, but I am excited and nervous all in one.

I feel my vomit phobia is getting better. I am handling movie and tv show vomiting much, much better than I ever used to handle it. There was a top phobias list and emetophobia was on it and the clip was graphic, but I actually laughed at it...I laughed, me. That's such a huge leap of progress for me and I am hopeful for the future.

To better health...

I have decided it is time for a change. I am so tired of being so tired. I am tired of all the health issues and pains. So I am going to try something different. I am going to blend up fruits and veggies into a drink everyday for at least 10 days. One drink a day at least. I do not eat enough fruits and vegetables, so I plan to start my days with a drink of blended produce.

I started my juice drinks yesterday and will post pictures at the end of my week, also describing what I thought about the recipe. I do not own a juicer and feel like they won't keep much of the nutrients anyway, so I am blending them only to a liquid state. I see juicing is a big diet fad lately, however, starving yourself to lose weight seems like a bad idea personally. I can't see how it's healthy either. However, not trying to lose weight myself and as it's just regular produce mixed, I don't see the issue to try them as a supplement for healthier eating/drinking. I am eating regular meals, lots of healthier meals too, trying to eat mostly non-packaged foods and mostly fresh items as much as possible over the next 10 days as well. I plan on eating little meat, no soy except fermented soy products, many varied grains and beans/protein-rich legumes and I already can't eat dairy, so that's not an issue.

My big dog is getting too fat and her hips aren't doing well because of the added weight...so it's time for a change for her as well. We are going to start doing a daily walk around the block and she is not going to be allowed extra food like she has been given. It's vital she lose weight and I am aiming to help her lose at least 10 pounds.

So, eating healthier and staying fit...let's see if I feel any better or if my dog loses her 10 pounds by the time I take her to the vet for her lepto annual in a couple weeks.

Wish us both luck.

Over this shit...

I am so over this winter.
Done.
I cannot take any more days in the single digits, zero, or below zero temperatures.
I am so over scraping ice off my car and shoveling off snow and shoveling out and all the ice and snow period.
It's been arctic front after arctic front and snowstorm after snowstorm and our pipes and heating systems can't seem to take it.
February is looking a bit warmer, at least to start, so we are all crossing our fingers here that it will be...if not we may all just crack...like our pipes.

Why I Am A Feminist-Quotes to Ponder.

"Woman in her greatest perfection should have known that man was lord above her; and therefore that she should never have pretended any kind of superiority above him, no more than do the angels above God the Creator, or above Christ their head." `John Knox 1500s

"Woman is a stupid vessel over whom man must always hold power, for the man is higher and better than she; for the regiment and dominion belong to man as the head and master of the house." `Martin Luther

"The whole education of women ought to be relative to men. To please them, to be useful to them, to make themselves loved and honored by them, to educate them when young, to care for them when grown, to council them, to console them, and to make life agreeable and sweet to them—these are the duties of women at all times, and should be taught them from their infancy."
"Woman was made to yield to man and put up with his injustice."
`Jean-Jacques Rousseau

"Woman was merely man's helpmate, a function which pertains to her alone. She is not the image of God but as far as man is concerned, he is by himself the image of God." Augustine

"Every woman should be filled with shame by the thought that she is a woman."Clement of Alexandria

"Woman is slow in understanding and her unstable and naive mind renders her by way of natural weakness to the necessity of a strong hand in her husband. Her 'use' is two fold; [carnal] sex and motherhood."Pope Gregory I

For man was not created from woman, but woman from man;
Neither was man created on account of or for the benefit of woman, but woman on account of and for the benefit of man.
Therefore she should be subject to his authority and should have a covering on her head as a token, a symbol, of her submission to authority, that she may show reverence as do the angels and not displease them. 1 Corinthians 11;8-10

The women should keep quiet in the churches, for they are not authorized to speak, but should take a secondary and subordinate place, just as the Law also says.
But if there is anything they want to learn, they should ask their own husbands at home, for it is disgraceful [a shame] for a woman to talk in church for her to usurp and exercise authority over men in the church 1 Corinthians 11;34-35

God’s sentence hangs still over all your sex and His punishment weighs down upon you. You are the devil’s gateway; you are she who first violated the forbidden tree and broke the law of God. It was you who coaxed your way around him whom the devil had not the force to attack. With what ease you shattered that image of God: Man! Because of the death you merited, even the Son of God had to die... Woman, you are the gate to hell.
Woman is a temple built over a sewer.  Tertullian, “the father of Latin Christianity” 

Woman is a misbegotten man and has a faulty and defective nature in comparison to his. Therefore she is unsure in herself. What she cannot get, she seeks to obtain through lying and diabolical deceptions. And so, to put it briefly, one must be on one's guard with every woman, as if she were a poisonous snake and the horned devil. ... Thus in evil and perverse doings woman is cleverer, that is, slyer, than man. Her feelings drive woman toward every evil, just as reason impels man toward all good. –Saint Albertus Magnus, Dominican theologian

As regards the individual nature, woman is defective and misbegotten, for the active force in the male seed tends to the production of a perfect likeness in the masculine sex; while the production of woman comes from a defect in the active force or from some material indisposition, or even from some external influence. –Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church

  The word and works of God is quite clear, that women were made either to be wives or prostitutes. – Martin Luther

 No gown worse becomes a woman than the desire to be wise. – Martin Luther

   Men have broad and large chests, and small narrow hips, and more understanding than women, who have but small and narrow breasts, and broad hips, to the end they should remain at home, sit still, keep house, and bear and bring up children. – Martin Luther

  Thus the woman, who had perversely exceeded her proper bounds, is forced back to her own position. She had, indeed, previously been subject to her husband, but that was a liberal and gentle subjection; now, however, she is cast into servitude. –John Calvin

 as the church must fear Christ Jesus, so must the wives also fear their husbands. And this inward fear must be shewed by an outward meekness and lowliness in her speeches and carriage to her husband. . . . For if there be not fear and reverence in the inferior, there can be no sound nor constant honor yielded to the superior. – John Dod, A Plain and Familiar Exposition of the Ten Commandments

  The root of masculine is stronger, and of feminine weaker. The sun is a governing planet to certain planets, while the moon borrows her light from the sun, and is less or weaker- Joseph Smith

The Holiness of God is not evidenced in women when they are brash, brassy, boisterous, brazen, head-strong, strong-willed, loud-mouthed, overly-talkative, having to have the last word, challenging, controlling, manipulative, critical, conceited, arrogant, aggressive, assertive, strident, interruptive, undisciplined, insubordinate, disruptive, dominating, domineering, or clamoring for power. Rather, women accept God’s holy order and character by being humbly and unobtrusively respectful and receptive in functional subordination to God, church leadership, and husbands. --James Fowler, Women in the Church

 "We should look upon the female state as it were a deformity, though one that occurs in the ordinary course of nature" -ARISTOTLE

 "Educating a woman is like pouring honey over a fine Swiss watch. It stops working" -KURT VONNEGUT

  "The souls of women are so small, Some believe they have none at all." -JOHN DONNE (British Poet 1573-1631)

"Girls begin to talk and stand sooner on their feet than boys, because weeds always grow more quickly than good crops" -MARTIN LUTHER 

"Direct thought is not an attribute of femininity. In this, woman is now centuries...behind men."-THOMAS ALVA EDISON

The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians. Pat Robertson

Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.
Rush Limbaugh

I listen to feminists and all these radical gals -- most of them are failures. They've blown it. Some of them have been married, but they married some Casper Milquetoast who asked permission to go to the bathroom. These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men -- that's their problem. -Jerry Falwell

"God protect us from the efficient, go-getter businesswoman whose feminine instincts have been completely sterilized. Wherever women are functioning, whether in the home or in a job, they must remember that their chief function as women is a capacity for warm, understanding and charitable human relationships."
Some very interesting facts have been uncovered by scientists which will feminists will have to treat very gingerly for they show that it is not merely society which determines how the sexes will behave.... The idea of matriarchy is mythical, I’ve learned, for not one that can be documented has ever existed. Doesn’t it seem strange that male dominance has been universal if it’s purely social conditioning? One would expect to see at least a few examples of societies where women rather than men held the positions of highest status.... Isn’t’ it really much easier to believe that the feelings of men and women throughout history bear a direct relationship to some innate prerequisite? ... It was God who made us different, and He did it on purpose. Recent scientific research is illuminating, and as has happened before, corroborates ancient truth which mankind has always recognized. God created male and female, the male to call forth, to lead, initiate and rule, and the female to respond, follow adapt, submit."
~ Elisabeth Elliot

"If you women continue to demand your choice to work, you will so upset the economy of this country that the time will come when you will not have a choice. You will have to work."
~ Helen Andelin
   

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