At one point my phobia was so bad that the words vomit, barf, puke, throw up, blow chunks-can I just say that this just sounds gross to say in general regardless of emetophobia, regurgitate, to get sick, nauseated, nausea, and all the other words associated with vomiting. Reading them had me in a panic. I could not read it, hear it read, write it, nothing. It was all so scary to me. But with age, I began to do my own exposure therapy that way. Years of has gotten me to the point that I am not bothered about it in books or writing about it any longer.
So I have gotten over the early stages of the worst parts of having emetophobia. However, I am still uneasy at any image or video that involved vomit.
My next stage is to go be able to see cartoons/fake images without any worry. I still get uneasy if I see it, though I can stop a panic attack from beginning, unlike where I am with real puke yet, even TV/movie people vomit that is clearly fake. I am still determined that by the end of this year...emetophobia will be a thing of my past.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Diagnosis
You are infertile. Tubes blocked.
Sure, I am not and have not tried to get pregnant. It was the pains that brought me to the doctors for an answer.
For so long I was not believed about my pains. With age they are supposed to decrease. Instead, my pains just grew worse and worse and lasted longer and longer each time my cycles came around. Birth control pills didn't serve to help and I finally started to skip the sugar pills and never allowed the cycles to come just so I could actually live. I couldn't miss a week of school or work each month. It was futile. All my attempts to try and ease the pain did nothing.
Finally, two doctors and many appointments later, and with great fear, I had a hysteroscopy, laparoscopy and some sort of chromotubation.
Monday morning the 19th of May, 6AM, I am in the waiting room for surgery. They take me back, several people ask me questions, the same questions, over and over. Blood drawn, consent forms signed about religious observations of dead bodies and DNR and if I have a will or power of attorney should I die during this surgery.
Those consent forms always make you feel so much calmer right before you are about to be put under for surgery.
Hooked up and lady who took my blood bruised me. Taken back to surgery room, mask put on and boom, out. I remember then being wheeled back to my original room and asking for a mint. I wanted a damn mint. I started to gag related to my throat feeling so very weird. They gave me a barf bag, but I wasn't going to puke. I didn't actually feel sick. I did get some sprite out of the deal.
I also had to pee before leaving and it's weird having a nurse in the bathroom with you when you try to pee. It was very hard to pee too. Thanks a lot catheters. I did manage to pee a little though and then I was allowed to get dressed and go home. Also, the pain was awful. It hurt to get it up and move.
After I was dressed, the nurses helped me to my ride home. Once arrived, I went to sleep for a bit. Later watched a movie and then my gagging came back and lasted for hours. It was miserable and nothing helped. I never got sick though. When it finally eased a little, I went to sleep.
May 20...oh, the pain, the pain. Took the oxy they prescribed me as the motrin was not doing it for me. It did not help. Bladder still had some issues with needing a little push to go. My shoulder is also killing me. I dunno why it effects the shoulder, but it does.
May 21...still sore and pain meds still not helping. Lots of gas from both ends still. Bladder doing a little better. Took a stool softener as the pains are easing a bit.
May 22...bladder back to normal, but thanks to the stool softener, had a stomachache. Stool softener not yet working. Took gasx again due to gas pains and hoped it would stop the belly ache. My incision areas still hurt, but appeared to be healing well at this point. Do not feel well, so took it easy again, laid on the couch, watched netflix.
Note...Dulcolax is not good stuff. Nope, nope.
May 23...stomachache. One bm only. No appetite thanks to the stomachache.
May 24-25...boyfriend and I hung out. Was a beautiful weekend and got some of my appetite back finally. Went to the local festival.
May 26-June 2...took it easy. No lifting and such allowed, but incisions were healing nicely and body was feeling better.
June 3...follow-up appointment where I am shown the pictures of my endometriosis and the inflammation inside. It was very ugly inside there. Not pretty. I won't share the pictures out of politeness. Also got to see the evil little martian, aka my tiny benign tumor.
The all clear to go back to life was given, but life has a new normal and I will be starting a new medication soon for my illness for six months. The tubes may be unable to be flushed without a reproductive endocrinologist's help.
Sure, I am not and have not tried to get pregnant. It was the pains that brought me to the doctors for an answer.
For so long I was not believed about my pains. With age they are supposed to decrease. Instead, my pains just grew worse and worse and lasted longer and longer each time my cycles came around. Birth control pills didn't serve to help and I finally started to skip the sugar pills and never allowed the cycles to come just so I could actually live. I couldn't miss a week of school or work each month. It was futile. All my attempts to try and ease the pain did nothing.
Finally, two doctors and many appointments later, and with great fear, I had a hysteroscopy, laparoscopy and some sort of chromotubation.
Monday morning the 19th of May, 6AM, I am in the waiting room for surgery. They take me back, several people ask me questions, the same questions, over and over. Blood drawn, consent forms signed about religious observations of dead bodies and DNR and if I have a will or power of attorney should I die during this surgery.
Those consent forms always make you feel so much calmer right before you are about to be put under for surgery.
Hooked up and lady who took my blood bruised me. Taken back to surgery room, mask put on and boom, out. I remember then being wheeled back to my original room and asking for a mint. I wanted a damn mint. I started to gag related to my throat feeling so very weird. They gave me a barf bag, but I wasn't going to puke. I didn't actually feel sick. I did get some sprite out of the deal.
I also had to pee before leaving and it's weird having a nurse in the bathroom with you when you try to pee. It was very hard to pee too. Thanks a lot catheters. I did manage to pee a little though and then I was allowed to get dressed and go home. Also, the pain was awful. It hurt to get it up and move.
After I was dressed, the nurses helped me to my ride home. Once arrived, I went to sleep for a bit. Later watched a movie and then my gagging came back and lasted for hours. It was miserable and nothing helped. I never got sick though. When it finally eased a little, I went to sleep.
May 20...oh, the pain, the pain. Took the oxy they prescribed me as the motrin was not doing it for me. It did not help. Bladder still had some issues with needing a little push to go. My shoulder is also killing me. I dunno why it effects the shoulder, but it does.
May 21...still sore and pain meds still not helping. Lots of gas from both ends still. Bladder doing a little better. Took a stool softener as the pains are easing a bit.
May 22...bladder back to normal, but thanks to the stool softener, had a stomachache. Stool softener not yet working. Took gasx again due to gas pains and hoped it would stop the belly ache. My incision areas still hurt, but appeared to be healing well at this point. Do not feel well, so took it easy again, laid on the couch, watched netflix.
Note...Dulcolax is not good stuff. Nope, nope.
May 23...stomachache. One bm only. No appetite thanks to the stomachache.
May 24-25...boyfriend and I hung out. Was a beautiful weekend and got some of my appetite back finally. Went to the local festival.
May 26-June 2...took it easy. No lifting and such allowed, but incisions were healing nicely and body was feeling better.
June 3...follow-up appointment where I am shown the pictures of my endometriosis and the inflammation inside. It was very ugly inside there. Not pretty. I won't share the pictures out of politeness. Also got to see the evil little martian, aka my tiny benign tumor.
The all clear to go back to life was given, but life has a new normal and I will be starting a new medication soon for my illness for six months. The tubes may be unable to be flushed without a reproductive endocrinologist's help.
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